Stephan Pastis

Hardcover (1 to 2 lbs)

New Hampshire

Some surprising news sends Timmy Failure on a hilarious caper as the New York Times best-selling series continues.

Behold! You are all about to be witnesses to greatness.

In this fourth volume of Timmy Failure's memoirs, Timmy is forced to hit the road in a cross-country trip that includes Timmy's mom, Total the polar bear, Doorman Dave, and smells-like-a-tangerine criminal mastermind Molly Moskins. It's a world gone mad, where good becomes bad, and Timmy Failure is a condemned man.

Someone call the authorities. . . .

Timmy Failure: Sanitized for Your Protection

05d5716c-db44-411e-a42e-6594d984aecc-1

Kara LaReau

Light Hardcover (1 lb or less)

New York

At first Ugly Fish likes being alone in his tank so much that he eats any fish that tries to share it, but when he becomes lonely, he devises a better plan.

Ugly Fish

d9acb6d4-24f5-42ea-8230-dfb179d02283-1

Jon Scieszka

The campaign is going well. The SPHDZ word is getting out. 1000's of kids have signed up to say they are SPHDZ. But things haven't gotten any easier for Michael K. The SPHDZ are still trying to blend in to our Earth culture, but not very successfully. They're still mixing up Thanksgiving, cartoon plots, holidays, and commercials. This makes it especially hard for Michael K. to both hide the SPHDZ from Agent Umber and accomplish the SPHDZ Mission. He's forced to enlist the help of fellow fifth graders, Venus and TJ.

When they (Michael K. and the SPHDZ) are given the assignment to write and perform the school play, Umber thinks he's closing in on the aliens...the kindergartners playing the turkeys.

Spaceheadz Book #2!

f886ffa2-be13-46e0-b971-f0c9702cb351-1

Mark Remy

Pennsylvania

Everything a Runner Needs to Know--And Then Some

Addresses seventy-five frequently asked questions about running in a clear, crisp, and often humorous manner that's both useful and entertaining, with each rule accompanied by a cartoon and standing out as its own chapter.

The Runner's Rule Book

00d25032-77c0-40b3-aa8b-044f68c043dc-1

Stacey Lee

California

From the critically-acclaimed author of Under a Painted Sky and Outrun the Moon and founding member of We Need Diverse Books comes a powerful novel about identity, betrayal, and the meaning of family. "A triumph of storytelling. A bold portrait of this country's past, brilliantly painted with wit, heartbreak, and unflinching honesty. Everyone needs to read this book." --Stephanie Garber, New York Times bestselling author of Caraval By day, seventeen-year-old Jo Kuan works as a lady's maid for the cruel daughter of one of the wealthiest men in Atlanta. But by night, Jo moonlights as the pseudonymous author of a newspaper advice column for the genteel Southern lady, "Dear Miss Sweetie." When her column becomes wildly popular, she uses the power of the pen to address some of society's ills, but she's not prepared for the backlash that follows when her column challenges fixed ideas about race and gender. While her opponents clamor to uncover the secret identity of Miss Sweetie, a mysterious letter sets Jo off on a search for her own past and the parents who abandoned her as a baby. But when her efforts put her in the crosshairs of Atlanta's most notorious criminal, Jo must decide whether she, a girl used to living in the shadows, is ready to step into the light. With prose that is witty, insightful, and at times heartbreaking, Stacey Lee masterfully crafts an extraordinary social drama set in the New South. "A gorgeous tale that will steal your heart. This is not only a keeper, but a classic " --Robin LaFevers, New York Times bestselling author of the His Fair Assassin trilogy "A jewel of a story. By shining a light on the lives of those whom history usually ignores, Stacey Lee gives us a marvelous gift: An entirely new and riveting look at our past." --Candace Fleming, award-winning author of The Family Romanov "Clever, funny, and poignant, The Downstairs Girl is Stacey Lee at her best." --Evelyn Skye, New York Times bestselling author of The Crown's Game "Immersive, important, and thoroughly entertaining, The Downstairs Girl sparkles with all of Stacey Lee's signature humor, charm, warmth, and wisdom." --Kelly Loy Gilbert, Morris Award Finalist for Conviction

The Downstairs Girl

c96751c9-c619-4bc5-8517-2f4f288e6e6b-1

Yaongyi

Massachusetts

A WEBTOON Unscrolled Graphic Novel

True Beauty, a smash hit webcomic from Korea... Jugyeong Lim has been treated unfairly by her family and bullied by her enemies due to being perceived as ugly. She learns how to use makeup by binge-watching Youtube tutorials. As she slowly masters the art of makeovers, her dramatic transformation leads to her overwhelming popularity and fame. Armed with her newfound beauty, Jugyeong is in a love triangle with two of the most handsome boys at school: Suho, the stoic mystery man who knows her secret and Seojun, the "bad boy." But will her elite status be short-lived? How long can she keep her true appearance a secret? Living in a society where people are judged based on their physical appearance, Jugyeong navigates both high school and her college life, while her self-esteem, romantic life and career are constantly in flux.

True Beauty Volume One

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Book is in great condition! A small handful of pages that had pencil writing that has been erased or can be, but most pages are clean and unused. 

Oregon

Have you ever wondered what to do when you meet an alien? Want to know the top ten hiding places if you're on the run? Or how to create the perfect beach day in your backyard? Find out in this jam-packed guide to life by Phineas and Ferb featuring tips, activities, and the show's trademark wacky humor. From diagrams of Phineas and Ferb's craziest inventions, to fun quizzes and trivia, to unfinished comic panels for readers to get creative, this awesome new hardcover format is sure to be a hit with fans of the imaginative stepbrothers.

Phineas and Ferb's Guide to Life

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Adam Mansbach

Idaho

A New York Times Best Seller

One of BookRiot''s Must-Read Books from Indie Presses for 2014

One of Flavorwire''s 50 Best Independent Fiction and Poetry Books of 2014

"You Have to F***ing Eat makes parents of picky eaters smile."
--TODAY Parents

"Adam Mansbach...will delight exhausted and exasperated parents everywhere for a second time with You Have to F**king Eat--another children''s book that is most definitely not for children."
--Entertainment Weekly

"An equally hilarious ode to kids at the table."
--Huffington Post

"Parents, Adam Mansbach gets you. He understood that sometimes your kids just won''t go the f**k to sleep. And, in his new foulmouthed bedtime book for parents out Wednesday, he understands that sometimes they just won''t f**king eat. And he knows, well, it''s really f**king annoying. So how about some f**king comic relief?"
--GQ

"A likeable variation on a universal f***ing theme."
--Kirkus Reviews

"A hilarious sendup of the eternal fight between kids and their parents over what to eat and when--if at all."
--New York Journal of Books

"If you''re a frustrated parent with a picky child, or even just one who appreciates ''deranged'' humor, especially humor that rhymes, this is a terrific read for you...Parents will enjoy a good chuckle and subtle reminder that everything is better, including parenthood, if tackled with a little bit of humor."
--San Francisco Book Review

"You Have to F**cking Eat, Sequel to Go the F**k to Sleep, Is Finally F**king Coming...It will arrive just in time to gift it to your brother-in-law, who, upon unwrapping it, will clutch it immediately to his chest and shake his head furiously at his waist-high daughter as she claws at him with her chewed up nails. ''No, no, it''s not for you,'' he''ll say, laughing and crying at the same time."
--Flavorwire

"An uproarious spoof of bedtime board books."
--San Francisco Chronicle

"A 21st-century bedtime story for the ages (and all ages) if there ever was one."
--Bay Area Reporter

"Parents, when your precious angel rips you from your three hours of sleep to demand food that he won''t actually eat, you''ll want this f''ing book."
--Mashable

"Forthcoming new book by genius funnyman Adam Mansbach."
--BoingBoing

"Mansbach freely, fabulously curses out the uncensored truth; Brozman makes sure you''ll recognize your irresistible, equitably diverse mini-mes with those all-too-familiar expressions, from utter disdain to overwhelming trust and every little eyeball roll in between."
--BookDragon/Smithsonian Asian Pacific American Center

"If your kid has never presented you with some new mind-boggling preference at mealtime, I suspect you''re lying."
--Persephone Magazine

"This book is genius. It is what every parent is thinking when their child refuses dinner."
--Old School/New School Mom

"With this soon-to-be crude classic, Adam Mansbach has nailed it with his undeniable animal/child comparisons all cozily complimented by Owen Brozman''s humorous illustration--we dare you not to giggle into your eggnog."
--Curious Mom

"Illustrations are just as enjoyable and the narrative again paints the perfect picture."
--Roundtable Reviews

From the author of the international best seller Go the F*** to Sleep comes a long-awaited sequel about the other great parental frustration: getting your little angel to eat something that even vaguely resembles a normal meal. Profane, loving, and deeply cathartic, You Have to F***ing Eat breaks the code of child-rearing silence, giving moms and dads new, old, grand- and expectant, a much-needed chance to laugh about a universal problem.

A perfect gift book like the smash hit Go the F*** to Sleep (over 1.5 million copies sold worldwide!), You Have to F***ing Eat perfectly captures Mansbach''s trademark humor, which is simultaneously affectionate and radically honest. You probably shouldn''t read it to your kids, so there''s a kid-friendly version, Seriously, You Have to Eat.


You Have to Fucking Eat (Go the Fuck to Sleep #2)

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#paperback #good #funny #ya #adult #fiction #emmifredricks #comedy #drugs#addiction

Light Paperback (1 lb or less)

Florida

Or How I Conquered My Addiction to Celebrities and Got a Life

"My name is Eliza H., and I am a celebraholic." So begins this cautionary tale of how celebraholism can ruin one's life-- or at least one's twenties. Once, Eliza dreamed of walking down the aisle (at the Oscars) and having a meaningful existence (every minute of which would be chronicled by People magazine). But by her twenties, her soaring ambitions have been reduced to friendships with two people who have some small chance at fame: Danny, a gorgeous and sadly untalented actor, and the unscrupulous Dinah, who has no attribute she will not exploit. Oh, and not to mention a lot of E! True Hollywood Stories and The National Enquirer. But when her boyfriend dumps her because she has no life, Eliza resolves to try to kick her celebraholism once and for all. Consulting a sham shrink and going cold turkey on People, Eliza seems to be on the rough road to recovery when the unexpected happens: Dinah's boyfriend, white rapper Lylo, is involved in a hit-and-run accident that claims the life of a beloved citizen-- bringing Dinah tantalizingly close to fame...and jail. Can Eliza get Danny his big break as a cute but expendable sidekick in action flicks? Will she save Dinah from taking the fall? Or will this finally be the opportunity for the Barbara Walters interview she's waited for her whole life? Hip, humorous, and self-aware, this sublimely witty novel parodies today's cult of celebrity with hilarity and sympathy.

Fatal Distraction

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My husband never got around to reading it,so it’s up for sale!  

Minnesota

1001 Ways to Procrastinate 

Dav Pilkey

New Jersey

Having changed the course of human history after unwittingly wondering what could be worse than going to prison, George and Harold are catapulted through time back to their kindergarten days, where they are subjected to a sixth-grade bully and a clueless school principal.

Captain Underpants and the Terrifying Return of Tippy Tinkletrousers

8542e15e-cc32-4cae-ae35-b8cafaa2ced0-1

North Dakota

Dork Diaries: Tales from a not-so Happy Heartbreaker

Paperback (1 to 2 lbs)

Texas

You Only Call When You’re in Trouble

Diane Kelly

Virginia

A Paw Enforcement Novel

The crime-fighting duo of Megan Luz and her K-9 is back--and on the prowl. . .

WILL THEY DIG UP THE TRUTH?
When a rash of college students falls seriously ill after ingesting Molly, a "club drug" also known as ecstasy, Officer Megan Luz and her K-9 partner Brigit are tasked with tracking down the dealers. Going undercover at the university leads Megan closer and closer to infiltrating the drug trafficking ring. But when the investigation implicates her former partner and workplace nemesis, Officer Derek Mackey, Megan's powers of discernment are put to the test.

OR ARE THEY BARKING UP THE WRONG TREE?
Thwarted when the Feds seize control of the investigation and frustrated by the lack of attention the DEA is putting into the case, Megan continues her own unofficial investigation with Brigit's help. But when the trail leads them in an unexpected and dangerous direction, Megan and Brigit find their own lives at risk. Can the K-9 team take down those in power? Or are some criminals simply above the law--and paw?

Above the Pawis the fifth book in Diane Kelly's series featuring Police officer Megan Luz and her K-9 dog partner Brigit.

Above the Paw

ac9d049f-77b8-4e41-aaa6-d41095094aa1-1

Andrew Clements

Nick Allen has has plenty of ideas. Who can forget the time he turned the classroom into a tropical island? But now Nick is in Mrs Granger's class, it looks like his days as a troublemaker are over.

The Report Card & Frindle bundle 

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Washington

Funny Girl

Vermont

The breakout star of Saturday Night Live and Thirty Rock gives a humorous account of her life, as well as behind-the-scenes stories from her hit shows. 1 million first printing.

Bossypants

cad9d9e4-016b-4e41-9a2f-0dae93fe60f3-1

Lee Wardlaw

Steve "Sneeze" Wyatt was born to invent things, and his latest gadget-- the Nice Alarm, which wakes you up with a gentle tap on the shoulder--promises to make him rich and famous All Sneeze needs to do is attend the Invention Convention, and he will be catapulted into stardom. So, when Sneeze's convention plans are nixed by his parents, who have enrolled him in a creative writing class instead, he is appalled. For his first writing project, Sneeze starts a list of ways to bug his parents. It keeps growing until he hits upon a brilliant plan--a plan that will enable him to attend the convention with or without his parents. . . .

101 Ways to Bug Your Parents

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Michigan

Hamlet, one of the greatest stories ever told . . . in texts?!
 
Imagine: What if Hamlet, the Prince of Denmark, and the tragic Ophelia had smartphones? A classic is reborn in this fun and funny adaptation of one of Shakespeare's most famous plays!
 
A kingdom on the brink of war.
A stolen throne.
A boy seeking revenge.
 
<3 and h8. The classics just got a whole lot more interesting. ;)
 
 
tl;dr A Shakespeare play told through its characters texting with emojis, checking in at certain locations, and updating their relationship statuses. The perfect gift for hip theater lovers and teens.
 
A glossary and cast of characters are included for those who need it. For example: tl;dr means too long; didn't read.

Srsly Hamlet

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David Sedaris

North Carolina

A lavish gift edition of David Sedaris's best stories, spanning his spectacular bestselling career. Hand-picked by David himself, these are stories that will make you laugh and cry, sometimes at the same time, from "the funniest man alive" (Time Out New York). What could be a more tempting holiday gift than a compendium of David Sedaris's best stories, selected by the author himself? From a spectacular career spanning almost three decades, these stories have become modern classics and are now for the first time collected in one volume. The collection will also feature an introduction by the author; a never-before-collected story, "Unbuttoned"; and a new interview with David Sedaris. Table of Contents Glen's Homophobia Newsletter Vol. 3, No. 2 Front Row Center with Thaddeus Bristol Christmas Means Giving The Incomplete Quad You Can't Kill the Rooster Me Talk Pretty One Day Jesus Shaves Us and Them Let It Snow The Ship Shape The Girl Next Door Repeat After Me Six to Eight Black Men Possession Nuit of the Living Dead The Understudy In the Waiting Room Solution to Saturday's Puzzle Town and Country The Cat and the Baboon The Motherless Bear The Faithful Setter Dentists Without Borders Think Differenter Memory Laps Loggerheads If I Ruled the World Easy, Tiger Laugh, Kookaburra A Guy Walks into a Bar Car Standing By Understanding Understanding Owls Now We Are Five A House Divided The Perfect Fit Leviathan A Modest Proposal Why Aren't You Laughing? The Spirit World Unbuttoned

The Best of Me

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#hardcover #cookbook #southern #south #cuisine #funny #humor #wedding #bridal #bride Dust jacket has warping but the book itself is in good shape. 

The Official Southern Ladies' Guide to Hosting the Perfect Wedding

Even if you've never attended a wedding in the South, you'll find laughter in the pages of this deliciously entertaining slice of Southern life and love, complete with recipes, advice, and a huge dose of that famous charm

"In the Mississippi Delta, funerals bring out the best in people, while weddings, which are supposed to be happy occasions, bring out the worst." So say Gayden Metcalfe and Charlotte Hays, authors of the bestseller Being Dead Is No Excuse: The Official Southern Ladies' Guide to Hosting the Perfect Funeral, who turn their keen eyes and sharp wit from the end of the life cycle to the all-important midpoint. For anyone planning, participating in, or attending a wedding (Southern or not), this book will amuse, entertain, and provide advice for marital bliss, including:


 * It's OK to peek at an etiquette book, but if you rely too heavily on it, people will think that you are not fully acquainted with what is right and wrong.
 * Anything that was not done in the past doesn't need to be done now--consider this before ordering a groom's cake, especially one featuring a fishing-tackle or golfing theme.

Somebody Is Going to Die If Lilly Beth Doesn't Catch That Bouquet

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Minor crunching on spine. No damage otherwise.

Practical Jokes

#hardcover #smalltown #funny #tender #moving #drama 

Susan Mallery, the bestselling author of Daughters of the Bride, delivers a captivating new novel about the problem with secrets, the power of love and the unbreakable bond between sisters. Watch for The Secrets of the Tulip Sisters, coming soon!

The Secrets of the Tulip Sisters

668f359a-4e30-4b95-8fb6-8c875ca53412-1

Ex-library book. Plastic covering dust jacket. Ex-library sticker on front cover and binding. Ex-library card/stamp on front endpapers. Deckled edges. Smoke-free home
#hardcover #fiction #funny #yayasinbloom #yayas #divinesecrets #divinesecretsoftheyayasisterhood #humor #womensfiction #women #generational #rebeccawells

Ya-Yas #3

Looks back to the years of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood's origins in Thornton, Louisiana, during which Vivi, Teensy, Caro, and Necie endure crises of faith, lapses in parenting, brushes with alcoholism, and glimpses into racial bigotry.

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